


Seesaw

by seungsols



Series: Red Roses, Broken Hearts [14]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Development for Jeon Wonwoo, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Slow Burn, bisexual icons jeonghan and wonwoo, yoongi is a therapist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26646775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungsols/pseuds/seungsols
Summary: Wonwoo is tired of playing this game, but he plays it for Mingyu.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Series: Red Roses, Broken Hearts [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/410329
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	1. The Truth Untold

**Author's Note:**

> I made a playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0G1ySWGiBxrwG4caZH7ysJ?si=vIAx3U2sQD2CY6PEitfzIA)

Everyday is a shitty day; that’s how well days have been going for Wonwoo. 

He wakes up at the same time every morning, precisely six-thirty when his phone alarm goes off on his bedside table. He always snoozes it three times before finally sitting up in his bed and stretching, sighing at the mundane feeling as he looks out of his bedroom window that looks out onto the city, usually a dimly lit skyline since the sun has barely peaked out over the horizon. Wonwoo does his usual routine of making his coffee before looking for clothes after his daily shower.

He constantly checks his phone as he dries his body and dresses himself, expecting a text from Mingyu. No luck though. Wonwoo dismisses any hope that enters his mind as he plugs in the hair dryer. He shouldn't expect Mingyu up so early, especially since he's such a night owl. He let's the loudness of the dryer fill his head instead.

Wonwoo isn't usually the type to eat breakfast. He usually opts for just coffee with a splash of almond milk; no more, no less than that. It's probably unhealthy, he admits, but he doesn't ever feel that he has to have more. He promises himself that he will eat a larger lunch with his colleagues (which he usually does).

He's out the door by seven and walking to the subway fifteen minutes afterwards. Wonwoo grunts at how the sun is still barely in the sky as it makes the atmosphere less cheerful and more somber. The rush hour is always at a minimum at this time, so he supposes that's one good thing about commuting so early. 

After he scans his transportation card and sits on the train, he plugs in his earphones into his phone. He makes sure to turn the bluetooth on since it is wireless, but he sighs as he does so; they were a gift from Mingyu. Wonwoo doesn’t pay for the music streaming app because the radio app on his phone is free. It’s his companion on his commute. He tries not to let the bare notifications get to him, but the mood the slow music radiates makes it hard to not overthink. 

He knows that he could just text Mingyu good morning; Wonwoo is usually the first one to text first anyway. There’s something in his gut, however, that tells him that he should have even a pinch of pride for himself and let Mingyu text him first. He just fears that Mingyu won’t text him at _ all _ if he does so. It’s stupid for him to be thinking this way, but he feels like this has been his way of thinking ever since Mingyu started drifting from him.

  
  


Mingyu told Wonwoo that ‘he doesn’t know what they are,’ and Wonwoo has never been so confused at such a statement. It was during their take-out nights this week. They got fried chicken and beer to-go and ate comfortably at Mingyu’s house at ten past nine at night. When Mingyu told Wonwoo that, he said it in such a casual way that made Wonwoo worry.

“What do you mean?” Wonwoo asked. He put his beer down. He suddenly didn’t feel hungry or thirsty anymore.

Mingyu shrugged. “We… Well, we got back together, yes? But I still don’t know how I feel about you. I don’t want you to leave my life though, y’know?”

Wonwoo nodded. He was lying. He has absolutely no idea what the fuck Mingyu meant. He doesn’t want to risk anything though. Wonwoo realized he was too much of a people pleaser, especially to Mingyu, to push the envelope further than he was comfortable doing. As much as he wanted a definite answer from Mingyu as to ‘what they are,’ Wonwoo just let their relationship be ‘undefined.’

It hurts though. Wonwoo realizes this pain every time he has his commute and hears the early morning sad songs play on the radio. He figures there might be someone out there that feels the same way he does, regardless of how different their situation was from his; he finds comfort in that. Somewhat. At least he isn’t alone.

He makes it to his stop and gets off of the train, surprised to see that there are more people at the station than he usually anticipates. Wonwoo shrugs it off though as he walks up the stairs onto the ground level. Campus is only a ten minute walk from the station, so he leaves the radio station playing as he walks.

Wonwoo feels his stomach grumble, almost too in sync with the transition to the next song on the radio. However, it was a happier and upbeat song. He wasn’t sure if the radio station was mocking him or if this was foreshadowing what he should expect for the rest of the day. He hopes it’s the latter, but he knows not to think optimistically, considering how his week has been thus far. 

He arrives on campus sooner than he anticipated. Wonwoo takes his route to his building and he waves at the students who recognize him from their classes. He tries not to be so pretentious like some of the professors he works with so that the students don’t  _ completely _ hate their classes. 

After getting off the elevator and waving at the secretary at the front desk, Wonwoo is greeted by Jihoon and Junhui who are having their morning coffee. “Earlier than usual,” Jihoon greeted Wonwoo with a wave. Junhui waved as well.

Wonwoo shrugged as he put his messenger back down on the floor and grabbed a disposable cup near the keurig and put in a new americano cup. “I walked faster, I suppose.” He watched the coffee slowly pour into his cup and he grunted sadly. “Hey, have you guys heard from Mingyu recently?”

Junhui blinked confused. “Um? No?” he coughed. “ _ We _ aren’t dating him,” he added. Jihoon nudged Junhui when Wonwoo seemed to be quieter than usual. Junhui pouted and grumbled how he forgot. “He hasn’t messaged you?”

Wonwoo shook his head. “That’s strange, even for him,” Jihoon nodded. “Did you text him?”

“And risk losing the little pride I have left?” Wonwoo scoffed as he grabbed his full cup of coffee and went to the fridge to get his almond milk. “I could never,” he shook his head. Junhui and Jihoon rolled their eyes and Wonwoo walks over to them with his coffee in hand and chugs a big gulp. "I'm waiting for him to text first."

"So… you're going to text him tomorrow?" Junhui blinked. They all knew Mingyu wasn't the best texter in the world, sometimes replying days later. Wonwoo took another chug.

"Just say good morning," Jihoon suggested.

The other two blinked at Wonwoo who finished his cup of coffee before tossing it halfway across the room into the recycling bin. Wonwoo shook his head before he picked up his bag and slung the strap around his shoulder. "Can't do that either." He sighed and looked at the ground as he grumbled softly. "It's hard to say that without adding a pet name in there."

Wonwoo swallowed all the pride he had and gave in to texting Mingyu after his first two classes. It was thirty minutes until noon and he knew that Mingyu would probably be awake by now. He groaned to himself and ran his hands over his face before he straightened himself and saw the professor looking at him. "Sorry, Hyung," he apologized softly as he sorted his papers once again.

"Don't apologize," Jeonghan shook his head. "Mingyu and you are still having that… rift?" Wonwoo nodded silently as he pushed his glasses up on his nose. Jeonghan sighed and shook his head. "Don't worry, I get it. You spend years with someone and then suddenly one of you gets cold feet. It's not uncommon."

Wonwoo frowns. "Okay… but that makes me feel bad for other people, doesn't really comfort me." Jeonghan laughs and apologizes for his comment. Wonwoo shakes his head. "Hyung, did you ever have this with your wife? Like… you didn't know how to label your relationship?"

Jeonghan looked up and took off his glasses as he leaned his elbow on the table. "No," he admitted. Wonwoo groaned but Jeonghan smiled. "I did, however, experience this with my partner before my wife," he continued. Wonwoo looked up and saw Jeonghan go back to work. "He kept telling me he loved me in the beginning, but then he started saying he doesn't know how he feels towards me anymore." Wonwoo carefully observed Jeonghan: his speech didn't waiver, nor did he seem to be particularly upset while talking. Jeonghan shrugged. "Sorry, don't mean to scare you and all, but I needed a definite answer as to what the relationship was and he didn't give that to me. So we broke up."

Wonwoo sat dumbfoundedly. Just then, his phone buzzed on the desk and he picked it up a little more quickly than he anticipated. Jeonghan watched in amusement, seeing the relief of Wonwoo's face meant that Mingyu texted him back. "He just said 'hey,'" Wonwoo sighed. He groaned again. "Hyung, I'm really confused."

"Is it that?" Jeonghan questioned. He put the papers in their respective folders as he was finishing the grades. "Or do you  _ know _ what you want and are just making an exception for Mingyu?" Wonwoo didn't reply because both him and Jeonghan knew the answer to that question.

Wonwoo is an otherwise calm and collected guy. Yet with Mingyu, especially as of lately, Wonwoo was a timid and fidgety mess. Mingyu wanted to meet up for their lunch break. His was about fifteen minutes earlier than Mingyu's, so he had enough time to collect himself to not seem so anxious and that he had been screaming internally for the majority of his day already. 

He wasn't always like this to Mingyu. It's been nicer; Wonwoo remembers when he actually used to feel  _ something _ positively churning in his stomach whenever he saw Mingyu, whenever he received a text from Mingyu, whenever he spent time with Mingyu. He's not sure when the butterflies in his stomach turned into bees, piercing his stomach lining and then slowly dying and dissolving into his stomach acid, but it felt like it's been this way for a while.

Wonwoo is tapping his fingers on the table. It's not to any particular tune, really, but it seemed to synchronise with the music playing in the background of their usual cafe. It was their normal lunch spot. Surprisingly, the music accompaniment was neither sad nor cheerful. Wonwoo wouldn't describe it as neutral though either. However, he did feel at peace.

Mingyu walked through the door and saw that the lunch rush hasn't started yet. He saw Wonwoo at their usual table and sat down in front of him without saying a single word or even waving his hand kindly as a greeting. His eyes looked straight at the menu as his hands were already flipping through. "Sorry," he muttered. Wonwoo sat up and looked down at his own menu, though his eyes kept glancing up at Mingyu subtly. "Boss wanted to talk after the meeting."

"Something wrong?" Wonwoo asked. He hated how bland this conversation was compared to their usual ones, but Wonwoo wanted to just  _ have _ whatever he could take at this point.

Mingyu shook his head as he flipped the page again. "No, just didn't want to say he wants to promote me by the end of the year in front of my co-workers."

Wonwoo blinked. "That's great," he bleakly replied. "Proud of you." Mingyu nodded silently as a way of saying 'thanks' and it just slowly sank Wonwoo's heart lower and lower.

They ordered their food and Wonwoo offered to pick it up at the counter when their buzzer buzzed. He walked the tray over to the utensils and grabbed two sets of a fork and knife and made sure to grab two packets of sugar for Mingyu's americano. However, after quick deliberation, Wonwoo puts the packets back before bringing the tray to their table.

It's an awkward lunch, at least for Wonwoo. Mingyu didn't seem to mind the quiet and occasional small talk they had, but it was terrible for Wonwoo. He  _ was _ a talker; he always had something to talk about, especially with Mingyu. He couldn't bring himself to try and even start a conversation now though.

"How's work?" Mingyu asked, much to Wonwoo's surprise.

Wonwoo coughed. "Um...good?" He wiped his mouth and sipped his sparkling water. "I only have one more class today, then I'm done for the week. But then I have a lot of papers to grade before next week." Mingyu whistled in response and Wonwoo nodded. "It's lighter than last week though."

"Last week?" Mingyu asked curiously.

"It was finals week grading," Wonwoo replied as he finished his meal. He neatly folded the napkin that he wiped his mouth with and slid it underneath the plate where the fork and knife rested. "For all of the classes."

"Hyung helps, right?"

Wonwoo shrugged as he leaned back in his seat and his arms crossed over his chest. "Hyung? He has more classes to teach. He's also department chair, so his workload is pretty heavy already. I don't mind holding extra ground if that means it'll help him."

Mingyu softened. "That's sweet of you."

Unfortunately, Wonwoo didn't seem to notice the sudden tone shift in Mingyu's voice or that Mingyu's gaze on him was that of adoration. He stood up from his chair and Mingyu did the same. They both stretched and grabbed their messenger bags before thanking the staff for the meal. 

Wonwoo held the door open for Mingyu, a habit he hasn't broken. Mingyu was thankful though. He wasn't sure how to explain himself, but he wanted Wonwoo to know. "Thanks," Mingyu timidly remarked. Wonwoo brushed it off though and just nodded. Mingyu figured he deserved it. "Do you need company on your walk back to campus?"

Already pulling his earphones out of his pocket, Wonwoo shook his head as he plugged one into his right ear. "No, I'll be fine."

Mingyu pouted. "Hey, Won." Wonwoo couldn't help but look up at the nickname. It's been a while since he's heard it come from Mingyu's mouth. "I still care about you."

"If you cared about me, you would give me a definitive answer," Wonwoo mumbled to himself.

Unfortunately, Mingyu heard it. "Well… I wish I could give you one too," he confessed. Again, Wonwoo looked up but plugged in his left earphone. There was no music playing though. "But… we're both working on this, right? I'm trying to figure out my feelings and all."

Wonwoo could only nod. He wasn't sure if he should tell Mingyu he still loves him or that he would go through all this pain  _ because _ he loved Mingyu so much. But it wasn't that easy because Wonwoo did  _ not _ want to admit anything aloud, especially with the realisation of how much he is willing to put up because it's not just anyone putting him through this: it's Mingyu. "Yeah, I know," he lied.

"You can still tell me everything and anything. I'm still here for you."

Wonwoo nodded again. "I know… thank you…" He's pretty sure that Mingyu could hear the hesitation and doubt in his tone, but he didn't care if Mingyu called him out on it or not. But he knew Mingyu wouldn't. He knows Mingyu too well.

"Well… alright. Just text me when you get back safely, okay? Oh, and when you get back home as well." Mingyu offered. Wonwoo nodded again and Mingyu replied with a soft smile. He leaned closer to Wonwoo, almost causing Wonwoo's heart to flutter, but Mingyu only offered a pat on Wonwoo's shoulder. "I'll talk to you later, hm?"

"Yeah," Wonwoo agreed. "Later." It was painful for him to just offer a small wave farewell before he turned his back and walked back to campus. He turned the music on since he didn't really have anyone else to talk to and he was not going to talk to Mingyu about any of this: any of these emotions or feelings.

As he turned the corner, he sighed sadly to himself before he heard the same song that was playing this morning being played once more on the station. He laughed bitterly and turned the volume up so that he could drown out the surrounding sounds and just focus on the music that embodied his entire day today.


	2. Too Close for Comfort

"What cup of coffee are you on?" Jisoo asked as he saw Wonwoo at his desk with a freshly brewed cup of coffee. He checked his watch and blinked surprisedly. "It's already three in the afternoon."

Wonwoo took another sip before putting the cup on the coaster beside his laptop. "My fifth cup?" he shrugged as he turned his attention back to his screen. "Or sixth. I lost count, honestly."

Jisoo looked down at his friend with a small pout. "Dude… that's not healthy."

"I've been doing this for the past few weeks, Hyung," Wonwoo replied nonchalantly. "I think my body has adjusted really well." He could feel Jisoo's worried eyes still on him. Swivelling his chair, Wonwoo was right. "Hyung, I'm fine. Really."

"Is it because of your 'fight' with Mingyu?" Jisoo asked. He noticed the way Wonwoo tensed up and knew he was correct. "Have you talked to him?"

"We talk… everyday still," Wonwoo fidgeted his fingers on his lap nervously, obviously avoiding eye contact with Jisoo. 

Jisoo noticed but didn't call him out on it; he thinks Wonwoo has enough anxiety around this topic already. He just nods. "Not much substance in the conversation, huh?" he asked as he leaned against the doorframe wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

"The most exciting thing he told me was he got a promotion yesterday," Wonwoo admitted. "But… that was over lunch so I guess that doesn't really count."

"You've got to talk to him," Jisoo advised. Wonwoo looked up with an arched eyebrow and Jisoo shook his head. "I mean  _ talk _ about  _ this _ whole thing," he added. "It just doesn't seem good for either of you."

Wonwoo turned to close his laptop before looking back at Jisoo. He hid his face in his hands and groaned into them as he leaned his elbows on his knees. "Hyung, it just seems so bad in general." He peaked up when he heard Jisoo pull a chair in front of him and Wonwoo managed to feel a bit better. "He hurt me," Wonwoo mumbled under his breath.

Jisoo heard him. He reached over and rubbed Wonwoo's shoulder. "Hey, I know he did. And you have every right to be pissed or upset with him," Jisoo nodded. "But Mingyu is hurting too."

"I know," Wonwoo admitted with a sigh. "I know he is…" He ruffles his own hair. "Should we break up?"

Jisoo blinked. "Are you asking me that or yourself?" He chuckled when Wonwoo pouted. "Be honest: do you think you should?"

"Isn't that the right thing to do?"

"I don't think there's a right or wrong thing to do here, Woo," Jisoo shook his head. "I think it's more of a 'what do  _ you _ want to do?' question."

Wonwoo grunted. "If you were going to give me that answer, I would have added therapy to my insurance plan." Jisoo offered a smile as compensation. Wonwoo nodded as he rubbed the back of his neck. "No, I don't want to break up with him. I don't even want to be  _ this _ —whatever this is—with him. But I honestly don't know what to tell him, Hyung. I feel—"

"—Trapped?" Jisoo asked. Wonwoo nodded in defeat. "Want me to talk to him?" Wonwoo looked up with wide eyes in horror as Jisoo let out a hearty laugh while lightly slapping Wonwoo's arm. "I'm kidding. I won't. Unless it actually comes to that. But, seriously, just take care of yourself for now. Maybe you both just need some time with yourselves alone."

  
  
  


"Okay, I'm warning you," Soonyoung hummed with a mischievous look on his face, "you're going to regret making me your enemy." He let out a maniacal chuckle before Jihoon hit the back of his head, causing Soonyoung to whine. "Hey! Uncool!"

"Dude, we are in a brewery playing Uno. Please shut the fuck up," Jihoon grunted.

Junhui rolled his eyes as he put a wild card down. "See? THIS is why you're not allowed to drink more than a bottle of Heineken after a flight of house beers. Blue, by the way."

Soonyoung grunted when Wonwoo put a blue skip and it was Jihoon's turn to play instead of him. "I see that it is attack Kwon Soonyoung night."

"It always is," Wonwoo, Jihoon, and Junhui said in unison. They burst into laughter as Soonyoung pouted with crimson-coloured cheeks. Instead of whining, Soonyoung took another swig of his beer. 

This was a typical Thursday night for them. Even with the terrible rom-com that is Wonwoo's tragic love life, Wonwoo was thankful that at least he had good friends as support and company. They were still having small talk and using all the skips and reverses in their hands when it came to Soonyoung. "Fuck all of you guys," Soonyoung grunted when he finally put a plus four card down. "Red."

Jihoon rolled his eyes as Soonyoung gloated in his small victory while Jihoon picked up four cards. He looked across from him at Wonwoo's small deck of three cards and he pursed his lips. "Wonwoo, you better win. I won't be able to sleep if this dumbass wins and keeps cheering around the apartment at two in the morning."

"Hey, that was  _ one _ time!" Soonyoung corrected. "And we were playing team jenga!"

Wonwoo hummed as he put a plus four, causing Soonyoung to whine again. The other two snickered at the karma they witnessed. "Yellow. Like Soonyoung's fried hair."

"Wow," Soonyoung grumbled as he picked up his car and ruffled his hair. "For the record, it was Mingyu who dyed my hair so it's his fault if anything." He squealed when Jihoon kicked his ankle. Soonyoung gasped and leaned over to whisper. "Shit, did I say the secret word?"

"You did," Junhui answered. Wonwoo put down a card and said uno after Junhui put a card down. "Are you guys still… um…"

"Together?" Wonwoo asked as he played with his single card between his palm. He shrugged. "I don't know what we are, but he's in my life still."

Soonyoung frowned. "Sorry for the name drop, dude."

Wonwoo shook his head before putting his last card down. Soonyoung pouted but smiled when he saw Wonwoo smile at the victory. "It's fine. We didn't keep you in the loop." The other three kept playing but Wonwoo nudged Soonyoung with his elbow. "He got a promotion?"

Blinking surprised, Soonyoung nodded slowly. "Y-Yeah. Yeah, the boss said he performed really well last month with all the cancelled events. He handled it really well, honestly."

"That's… good," Wonwoo hummed. Jihoon and Junhui looked at each other before looking at Wonwoo who stood up from his stool. "Hey, I'm going to get another Blue Moon. You guys want anything?" The three shook their heads and watched Wonwoo slowly walk back to the bartender.

Junhui sighed and put his cards down on the table. "Gosh, he's a brick wall."

While swirling the beer in his cup, Jihoon nodded in agreement. "He's like this at work," he informed Soonyoung. "We were hoping we could get more out of him if you brought Mingyu up."

Soonyoung blinked. "So I said the right thing?" he gasped. Jihoon grunted and Soonyoung pouted in reply. "No, Mingyu told me they're not  _ really  _ a couple anymore. Just that they talk daily." He crossed his arms and shook his head. "I know it's mostly Mingyu's fault for all this and not talking about his concerns earlier, but… I don't know. It's all pretty messy."

"Definitely," Junhui affirmed. "I want to say it’s Mingyu’s fault too for causing all of this, but you can tell Wonwoo is going down a pretty destructive path. As much as I want them to go back to the way they were, I don't think that's possible."

"Well, if they get back together: we’ll support them. And if they don’t, we’ll be there for them too." Jihoon wiped his mouth after taking a sip of his beer, "I hope that whatever happens will be for the better." Junhui and Soonyoung looked at Jihoon in shock, surprised to hear such words coming from his mouth. "Oh, c'mon! I say wise things about love sometimes."

"I can take a shot for that!" Soonyoung declared as he drank the rest of his bottle.

Wonwoo came back just in time with one bottle of beer and a receipt. He put it in the middle of the table as the other three were cleaning the card game up. "I ordered a round of shots," he said.

Jihoon put the game back on the shelf and looked for a new game as the other two looked at the receipt. Soonyoung whistled. "Didn't know they sell soju at a brewery."

"Well, when your clientele are tired 20-somethings who use alcohol as an escape, you try to profit off of that," Wonwoo commented.

"Damn. Capitalism strikes again," Jihoon snickered as he brought over Settlers of Catan. He knew it was Wonwoo's favourite game so he smiled when he saw Wonwoo's eyes light up.

—

Wonwoo feels grateful and damned for seeing Mingyu again as his plus one for his department's happy hour. He's glad that he gets to spend time with Mingyu, but he hates how almost everyone in the department knows his 'rift' with Mingyu too. 

When they saw Wonwoo and Mingyu enter the restaurant together, all of his colleagues gave each other looks in wonder. Everyone tried to act as they used to when the two were officially dating, much to Wonwoo’s relief. Jeonghan was the only one to lock eyes with Wonwoo until he sat next to him. Mingyu mingled with the others since he's known them for as long as Wonwoo has worked with them. 

"You brought him?" Jeonghan asked after Wonwoo told the waiter he'd start with water. Wonwoo looked over at Jeonghan and silently nodded. "You guys didn't talk it out?"

"No…" Wonwoo sighed. "I… well we did. And we fought.” He shook his head. “Every time I bring it up, we end up arguing. So… when we talked he said something along the lines of ‘of course he feels like a piece of shit’ but I ‘shouldn’t keep reminding him,’ I cut it short." He noticed the deadpan glare from Jeonghan. "Jisoo hyung told me to talk to him too. And I did just like you two said. It's just difficult."

"So you're just going to stay in this grey area with him? Aren't you?" Jeonghan was interrupted when the waiter came back with Wonwoo's water and took the table's order. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "What else did Jisoo tell you?"

"Just… spend time with myself?"

“Time with yourself,” Jeonghan repeated. "Like just you. Spending time with Jeon Wonwoo. And why aren't you doing that right now?"

"Hyung," Wonwoo cleared his throat, "can we please drop this? Especially when he's  _ here _ ." 

Jeonghan rolled his eyes but agreed. “Fine, fine. Only because we’re surrounded by witnesses and you can easily run out of the restaurant.”

"Thank you.” He looked beside Jeonghan and inspected the area, seeing Jeonghan’s wife wasn’t anywhere. “Where's Noona anyway?"

Jeonghan took a sip of his beer. "She can't drink alcohol at the moment."

Wonwoo blinked. "Huh? What do you mean she loves soju—" he paused when he saw the shy smile on his friend's lips. "Oh, shit! Noona's pregnant!" 

The entire table silenced after hearing Wonwoo before Seungkwan at the end of the table stood up and wailed. "Oh! Noona is pregnant! This calls for a toast!" Everyone clapped and congratulated Jeonghan as they raised their glasses in the air in celebration. After sipping their drinks, they went to Jeonghan individually to pat Jeonghan on the back. "Hyung, I knew it!" Seungkwan cheered as he hugged Jeonghan. "I should have known since Noona has been acting so sluggish."

Jeonghan snickered.

"How far along is she?"

"Three-and-a-half months," Jeonghan bashfully grinned as Seungkwan cooed. Mingyu joined in and grabbed Jeonghan's hand and squeezed it. "Yeah, it's pretty… exciting."

"It's exhilarating!" Mingyu giggled with Seungkwan.

Wonwoo watched and smiled at the interaction before sliding down into his chair with a sigh as he sipped her beer in hand. He was glad Mingyu could be here for Jeonghan with such an announcement, yeah, but it is painful. Maybe he was selfish for wanting Mingyu to like him back. Maybe he was stupid for thinking Mingyu could even  _ like _ him back. Maybe both. 


	3. (Maybe) I Miss You

"You should talk to someone," Jisoo said, pulling Wonwoo out of his thoughts with a slight jump. He snickered as Wonwoo readjusted himself on the bench outside of their office. Jisoo sat next to him and hummed as he leaned back and enjoyed the breeze that accompanied them. He glanced over to see Wonwoo pausing his radio station and taking out his ear buds. "Seriously though? I don't see you for  _ one _ day and you bring him here to our happy hour?" Jisoo leaned back in Jeonghan's seat. "This should be a crime."

"Oh, arrest me. Why don't you then?" Wonwoo rolled his eyes. He pulled his tumbler from between his ankles and took a sip of it. "The prison institution is a whole fucking shit show anyway," he grumbled. He sighed when Jisoo snickered at his political slander. "I know… it just felt…  _ right _ to invite him. I didn't even know Noona was pregnant."

"You lucked out, didn’t you? Jeonghan stole the show so that we wouldn’t be interrogating either you or Mingyu." Jisoo nudged him. "Seriously though; talk to a professional. There's one on campus right?"

"Isn't he for the students? Not for dumbass adults like myself?"

"Okay, now you're just talking defamation," Jisoo snickered. “And to be fair, I think every adult is a dumbass.”

Wonwoo finished the coffee in his tumbler before resting it in between his thighs on the bench seat. “I talked to him already,” he mumbled bashfully. “Said I should take some time for myself… think of what the relationship means to me and all, before even considering Mingyu’s feelings. We have another appointment next week.”

“Dang,” Jisoo whistled. “I was so close, wasn’t I? Maybe, I should be his assistant or something.” He laughed when Wonwoo nudged him with his shoulder.

“Please, I can barely handle you as a colleague in this department. I don’t think the counselor should suffer as well,” Wonwoo joked before he sighed again. 

“I’m glad you’re talking to someone about it though, especially someone who  _ isn’t _ Mingyu,” Jisoo encouraged. He patted Wonwoo’s shoulder. “You’ll get through it.

—

“I’m really sorry about this, again, Mr.Min,” Wonwoo apologized as he stepped into the office and took a seat to where he was gesturing. He sat facing the other chair where Mr. Min sat after he closed the door. Wonwoo had his hands tucked under his thighs as he sat nervously.

“Wonwoo, I told you before: no need to apologize. And please, call me Yoongi hyung.” Yoongi explained. “I know it’s probably weird since we’re colleagues, but this is still my job.” He held a clipboard in his lap and flipped through the print-out email that Wonwoo sent him. “So relational problems—was it? With Mingyu?” Wonwoo nodded slowly. “I remember you telling me that you both weren’t necessarily a couple, but you weren’t necessarily exes either. Is that right?” Again, Wonwoo nodded, but even slower than last time. Yoongi blinked. “Hey, do you need a breather?”

“No, I’m fine.” Wonwoo sighed. “It’s kind of a relief that I can just talk to someone who doesn’t know anything about it and all.” He rubbed his hands along his thighs to calm himself down a bit.

“I get that,” Yoongi nodded in agreement as he crossed his ankles together underneath his chair. “And I’m not just saying that because I’m the counselor here,” he joked. Wonwoo laughed at the small humorous remark. Yoongi grinned. “So, we talked last week about how you would limit your contact with him. Were you successful?”

Wonwoo scratched his neck. “Um… for the most apart, yeah. I only texted him twice this week… as opposed to every second everyday.”

“Wow, that’s one drastic change,” Yoongi commented. “I would say that is pretty successful. Has it been helpful? I remember you saying that one of your friends—Jisoo, was it?—suggested that you spend time with yourself too.”

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to hang out with a few of my other friends. I even went back to reading some poetry, watching some variety shows before I crash for the night. It’s been pretty therapeutic, honestly.” He looked up at Yoongi and grinned shyly. “It’s like… I’m feeling like myself again.”

“Hey, that’s really impressive,” Yoongi smiled back with encouragement. “You even seem less stressed than from our last session.” He saw the faint smile on Wonwoo’s face before it disappeared subtly. “You miss him still?”

“I think about him everyday.” Wonwoo confessed. He pulled himself up from the back of his chair and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “I think about him when I’m commuting to work, I think about him when I’m grading papers, I think about him when I’m cooking dinner. It’s just non-stop.” There was a silence that entered the room. Wonwoo was in his head. His thoughts were swirling around him, but he appreciated that Yoongi didn’t force him to talk. It was quite lovely. “I think I still love him,” Wonwoo whispered.

Yoongi heard him though. He uncrossed his ankles. “There’s nothing wrong with still loving him.”

Wonwoo looked up in surprise. “R-really?” He sat up straight. “B-because… I don’t know. I just had this idea that maybe I  _ shouldn’t _ love him anymore because he stopped loving me. I mean… that’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?”

“There really isn’t a ‘right’ way to love someone,” Yoongi commented. “We’re talking about you, Wonwoo, not anyone else. We’re thinking of what would help you and nobody else. What you think you  _ should _ do and what you  _ want _ to do don’t have to overlap. You can still love him  _ and _ set boundaries for yourself like you’re doing now.”

“And that’s okay?”

Yoongi nodded. “It’s helping you. You’re taking time for yourself and not overdoing it. I would say it is a-okay.”

Wonwoo paused for a moment and then smiled softly. “Yeah, I guess it is okay,” he told himself. He looked up at Yoongi who was beaming at him. “So what do I do with Mingyu? I mean… I still don’t know what he thinks about me.”

“Yeah, it’s a tricky situation,” Yoongi said. “But it seems that it is more on him than it is on you,” he shrugged. “I suggest that you let him work on himself and you focus on yourself. We can’t control what others feel or do, but we can control what we feel or do in response.” He saw how Wonwoo raised his eyebrows and pouted. Yoongi snickered. “I know you’re still thinking about him and what he feels towards you, but he is not you and, therefore, not in charge of your life. You are in charge of your life.”

  
  


Wonwoo left campus early that day since he didn’t have any more classes and Jeonghan was out of town for a conference. He plugged his earphones into his ears as he walked to the subway station. These were new earphones that he received as a gift from Soonyoung. They were a newer version of the ones Mingyu gave him and the sound quality was much nicer. 

It made it a little easier to distract himself from Mingyu, especially because it seemed that his radio station had been helping him as well with the happier music selection. The walk down to the subway, down the stairs, and through the doors of the train was quicker than usual but also less depressing than usual. 

It was a new normal without Mingyu. Everyday seemed to be less shittier than the previous day. Wonwoo liked it. 


	4. Almost is Never Enough

Days have been getting more difficult for Mingyu. 

He knows it’s mostly his fault for initiating the rift in the first place, but Mingyu felt like he had to be honest with himself and Wonwoo. He admits, however, that he should have told Wonwoo sooner than later about his inconsistent and wary feelings. He takes the sole blame for that, as he should. 

lf it wasn't for this promotion he received, he could stay under the radar in regards to acting peculiarly and stressing out around his co-workers. However, his colleagues were also his close friends; they figured out what was wrong even if Mingyu didn't tell them his relationship problems with Wonwoo.

Seokmin couldn't help but notice that Mingyu kept frantically walking from their table to the register to ask for more sauce and ketchup. Minghao noticed as well as the two sat next to each other and had a clear view of Mingyu apologising profusely to the cashier and asking for various items. 

"What's up with him?" Minghao nudged Seokmin quietly.

"Beats me," Seokmin shrugged. "I hope he sits down soon though. This burger is practically begging me to eat it." Minghao snickered and suggested Seokmin could eat it already. Seokmin whined. "I know! I'm just trying to be polite." 

After Mingyu finally sat down and stayed put, Minghao and Seokmin sighed loudly in relief, making Mingyu look at them confused. They didn't bother explaining it to him as they immediately stuffed their mouths with their lunch. Seokmin hummed in delight while he chewed.

Minghao wiped his bottom lip with his napkin and observed how Mingyu was enjoying his burger as well. "Good?"

Mingyu nodded. "Definitely. It’s been such a long time since we had burgers."

"Um," Seokmin chimed in as he took a sip of his cola, "Minghao and I had burgers last week while you had your weak little salad that you brought from home."

"Hey," Mingyu pouted. "You guys got McDonalds. And don't insult my salad like that."

"It was pretty weak," Minghao agreed. "I mean… dude, come on. You could have at least had some french vinaigrette. But you just  _ had _ to put the creamy ranch like a boring person."

"It was the fat free one, too! And you didn't even have croutons," Seokmin added before taking another bite of his burger. "If you ask me, the salad police should arrest you for such a heinous crime."

Mingyu sipped his cider and scrunched his nose. "I did not come to get burgers with my two best friends just to get insulted by my choice of salad dressing and lack of toppings." The other two laughed and waved it off as a joke. Mingyu smiled before smiling in relief. "Wow, I miss you guys though. Miss seeing familiar faces in the neighbouring cubicles.”

"What? Is the bigger cubicle not cutting it for you?" Minghao asked jokingly.

"Yeah, don't you have a good view of the city?" Seokmin added. "Because this," he stated as he pulled Minghao's cheeks full of fries up against his own cheek, "is not as beautiful of a sight as Seoul." Seokmin wailed when Minghao hit his chest.

Mingyu snickered while Seokmin rubbed his chest before taking another bite. "No, the view is lovely. But there's nobody next to me because it's a single room. The boss doesn't even bother walking into my room to say hi." He whined when his friends cooed at him. “He’s never even asked me how my day is going. Can you believe it?”

"We can sneak upstairs when our meetings end early," Seokmin suggested. "I heard the secretary is easy to fool. We can sneak right past him. He won't even know what hit him."

Mingyu shook his head and rejected the idea completely. "Let's  _ not _ do that." The two groaned. Mingyu grinned. "We can always hang out after work."

"Yeah, but it's fun to roast you  _ during _ working hours,” Minghao hummed. “Helps build against the capitalist corporation we sold our souls to.”

“Jesus, dude,” Seokmin rolled his eyes. “I told you to  _ stop _ with those political videos.”

“Not my fault we’re pawns in the game of life.” Minghao shrugged.

Mingyu grinned. “I miss this,” he mumbled. He sighed sadly and continued with his food. 

After Seokmin and Minghao stopped their playful banter, they noticed how silent Mingyu became. This is nothing like the Mingyu they knew. Maybe the new job really did take a toll on him. “Is work hard?” Minghao asked seriously.

“You can say that,” Mingyu slid down in his seat while he leaned back. He reached over for his water and took a long sip of it. “I guess it just takes some time getting used to all the new changes."

Minghao lifted the left side of his lips up. "You mean with work or are you talking about Wonwoo hyung?"

Seokmin almost choked on his cola and coughed as he felt the carbonation flow out of his nose. He hit Minghao before he saw how Mingyu seemed to have answered that question silently with a head nod.

"He doesn't text me anymore," Mingyu confessed. He pulled out his phone and opened his text conversation with Wonwoo. "Last time he messaged me was last Thursday." Seokmin and Minghao whistled. Mingyu groaned. "I know. And look, our conversations aren't even that long. He just gives me a summary of his day and then says he hopes I have a good day. What am I? His mom?"

"Pretty sure he texts his mom more than that actually,” Seokmin commented. Mingyu whined. He stood up from his chair and gathered all the wrappers and trash from the table before aggressively marching over to the garbage bin with his tray. Seokmin blinked. "He's stressed."

"I'll say," Minghao nods. "I've never seen a man so pissed while sorting recyclables and food waste."

"Is it rude to tell him he put himself in this situation?" Seokmin asked.

Minghao advised, "I think so." He and Seokmin began cleaning their spaces too when they saw Mingyu go towards the restroom, presumably to wash his hands. "I know he knows, but he doesn't seem to be working towards a solution for all of this."

"Yeah," Seokmin agreed. He offered to take both trays to the shelves above the garbage and held it as Minghao piled the remaining trash from the table on top. "He said what he felt, but didn't put those words into actions." He walked over to the garbage and quickly walked back as Minghao was wiping the table clean before they left. Seokmin sighed. "At least Wonwoo hyung seems to be doing better."

—

Mingyu stayed after hours before turning off his monitor and packing up his things to head home. His watch on his left wrist told him it was almost ten o’clock at night. He sighed. The latest he’s stayed at work was usually six. This promotion into a higher position really came at a cost, he thought.

He locked his office and held his messenger bag in his hand as he walked towards the elevator. The floor was dead silent. He assumes he’s the only one left. Mingyu passes by his bosses office to see that even his lights are off. He turns the corner and puts his messenger bag over one shoulder and secures the strap over his chest. 

He’s alone. Mingyu presses the button on the elevator to go down. The ding rings throughout the empty corridors, practically teasing Mingyu about his loneliness. As he waits for the elevator, he checks his phone. No messages. No new group chat notifications. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He steps into the elevator with his eyes still glued to his phone while he presses the ground level button with his free hand.

Sliding the phone back into his back pocket, Mingyu groans. “Shit,” he exhales. He doesn’t want to admit it but he realizes that taking the promotion to cope with the fact that he practically ‘broke-up’ with Wonwoo was a stupid strategy. He thought that maybe taking on the extra work would help him focus more on work rather than his depleting love and social life. However, he was completely wrong.

The elevator door opened to the bottom floor and Mingyu walked out. He noticed the security guard behind the desk and he wished him a good night. The guard did the same as Mingyu headed out the door. Friday night made the city glow extra vibrant that night. For about five seconds, Mingyu embraced it and soaked in all the sounds: the chatter of people walking by him, the cheers and jeers from the bar across the street with their friends and co-workers, the rush of the cars and buses passing his field of vision on the street. He loved the city and all that it offered, but he didn’t have anyone to share it with.

Mingyu isn’t usually the type to like listening to music on his commute home, but he made an exception. As he walked to the subway station, he rummaged through his front pockets for his earphones and managed to find it in his right pocket. He untangled it as he walked down the stairs of the station and managed to unwind it before he scanned his card at the gate.

He waited at the platform and looked at his music player as if it was a foreign language to him. Mingyu doesn’t remember the last time he opened it. He assumes it was when Wonwoo installed it onto his device a year or two ago. Truthfully, Mingyu isn’t even sure what kind of music he listens to either. He never had a preference when it came to music, just accepted whatever was playing on the radio or what his friends decided to play on their own devices. He selected a playlist labeled “for long-drives” since he figured sitting on the train was somewhat qualified for a long-drive.

The music was good company on his way back home. He had about forty-five minutes to kill and Mingyu really took the time to listen to each song’s unique colour and vibe. Fixing himself in his seat, he readjusts with his left leg crossed over his right and his hands folded in his lap with his shoulders relaxed. 

He’s reminded of the time when he and Wonwoo were still in university and he was introduced to a new artist that Wonwoo had just discovered. Mingyu wasn’t well-versed when it came to music, but Wonwoo was patient with him and taught him how to at least identify the music he prefers.

“It’s all about what pleases your ears,” Wonwoo explained. Mingyu couldn’t help but hold in a laugh, before wailing when Wonwoo punched his shoulder. “Seriously. You won’t like all music genres, but there are just some that,” Wonwoo paused, “that feel like they just  _ get _ you. Like it understands you.”

Mingyu shakes himself out of his thoughts when he hears the name of his stop being called over the intercom. He leaves the train, earphones still in his ear as he walks up the stairs and out to the sidewalk. He kept Wonwoo’s words in his mind as he started thinking about the music he was listening to a bit more than usual.

Once he reached his apartment, he figured a few things about his music preference. First, Mingyu didn’t like songs that had an excessive amount of brass instruments, which he seemed to notice a lot in most pop music. The blaring trumpet wasn’t much to his liking. Second, he was a big fan of a  _ really _ good bass line. He likes how it is ever so subtle yet so foundational for the song. Third, he likes songs that make him feel… comfy. He likes feeling the warmth that a song could provide since Mingyu has been so deprived of any social interaction. He misses the feeling of laughter and good feelings flowing through his system when he went out with friends or enjoyed himself. He hasn’t been able to do that.

Mingyu unlocks and opens the door to his apartment when he reaches an epiphany: he needs to text Wonwoo about his recent musical discoveries. He knows that out of everyone in his life, Wonwoo would understand him the most. However, he knows Wonwoo won’t answer him. This fact kills Mingyu alone. He grunts and pulls his earphones out of his ears without even pausing the music as he throws it and his phone onto the couch in his living room. 

His studio apartment seems darker and lonelier than usual. Even when he turned on the lights, Mingyu could sense the emptiness that accompanied him. He tries to talk himself out of these feelings: he had a long day, he had a shit ton of work to finish, and he wasn’t able to make it to happy hour with his friends. He needs to have a nice, hot shower and cook his favourite food to calm down. Mingyu needs to shake out these negative thoughts out of his mind.

He turns on the television in front of the couch as he walks to his room to get a new set of house clothes. Mingyu doesn’t usually tune into the new channel to get updates, he just likes the sound as company. Being in silence usually makes Mingyu feel uncomfortable. After he grabs some sweatpants and a shirt from his alma mater, he places it in the bathroom before walking to the kitchen to open the fridge and brainstorm what he should have for his late night dinner. 

Mingyu decided on making kimchi fried rice with the leftover rice from the night before and the kimchi he bought two days ago. He pulled a pan from the cabinet and as he was going to turn on the front burner, his phone vibrated on the counter. Quickly glancing at it, Mingyu pulled his hand from the knob and immediately grabbed the phone when he saw Wonwoo texted him.

**Wonwoo [10:30pm]:** Hope you had a good day.

He knew it was just a single sentence, but Mingyu couldn’t help but smile at the text. He didn’t even bother with the dinner plan he had in mind and instead just reheated the rice in the microwave with a damn towel over it and put the kimchi in its own small bowl. His eyes never left the screen of his phone, even when the microwave beeped.

He brought the two bowls along with chopsticks and a spoon to the living room in front of the television. The local news was zoned out as Mingyu still grinned at the phone while grabbing the chopsticks with his free hand and grabbing a chunk of kimchi to put in his mouth. As he chewed, he was formulating in his brain what he should say in reply.

That’s been the challenge nowadays: Mingyu has to send the perfect text back to Wonwoo because he knows Wonwoo will only send one text back to him before ending the conversation. Mingyu wasn’t aware of this the first time Wonwoo ended the conversation short, he just thought that maybe Wonwoo was tired and called it a night earlier than usual. He noticed it as a pattern over the course of a week. And now a few weeks into this new pattern of texting, Mingyu found himself wanting to type a whole novel of how stressed he is and how much he misses Wonwoo but also being at a loss for words. 

Wonwoo seemed like an enigma to Mingyu now. He thought he knew Wonwoo so well after being so close to him for a number of years, but the past month or so has been truly a test of his knowledge. 

He finished his small dinner and groaned to himself as he leaned back against his couch and ruffled his hair. Mingyu wanted to text Wonwoo back, maybe even ask if they can meet up later this week or next week. He knew he shouldn’t though. He feels like he doesn’t deserve to do so.

Instead of replying, he opts to call someone else instead.

“Hello?” Seungkwan picked up the phone. “Yah, Hyung. If you try to make me take one of those weird surveys for your company again, I swear—”

“It’s not that,” Mingyu snickered. “And it wasn’t even that long of a survey.” Seungkwan grunted in annoyance. “That’s not why I called. I just need some advice, Kwan.”

Seungkwan gasped. “Oh? About Wonwoo hyung?”

“How did you know?” whined Mingyu. Seungkwan responded back with a short chuckle. “Yeah, he just texted me a few minutes ago. Just said he hoped I had a good day today.”

“Aw, that’s sweet of him,” Seungkwan cooed.

“No, you don’t get it, Kwan,” Mingyu sat up straight on his couch. He stood up and grabbed his dishes and walked them to the kitchen with the phone in between his shoulder and ear. “He hasn’t texted me in three days. We barely talk now. I don’t know what to say to him.”

“Eh? Why not just tell him you hope he had a good day too? I see nothing wrong with that.”

Mingyu rinsed the plates in the sink and wiped his hands on the towel hanging on the oven’s handle. He walked back to the living room with the phone in his hand now on speaker. “There is nothing wrong with that. But that’s not what I want to do. I want to have a conversation with him. Like an  _ actual _ conversation that isn’t just two messages from either of us.”

“Then… why don’t you?” Seungkwan asked.

“Because the last time I tried to do that, he didn’t respond. I double texted him that time. Even triple texted him.”

Seungkwan whistled in shock. “Hm… well, can you blame him? You  _ did _ initiate all of this, didn’t you?”

“Don’t remind me. I feel like an asshole already.” Mingyu slumped back into his seat with his cellphone resting on his stomach as he looked mindlessly on the television. “I am an asshole, aren’t I?”

“You said it not me,” Seungkwan confirmed. “Seriously though, can you blame him? Yah, if my kind-of-ex partner just dropped the “I-don’t-know-if-I-love-you-anymore phrase on me, I’d ghost him in a heartbeat. It’s a miracle that Wonwoo hyung has even kept contact with you.”

“I get it!” Mingyu practically screamed. He didn’t expect his voice to sound so angry, but he couldn’t help the fumes coming from his mouth and steam coming from his ears. He didn’t hear back from Seungkwan on the phone, realizing that he might have scared him off a bit for that. “Sorry…” he sheepishly apologized.

“Jesus,” Seungkwan rolled his eyes. “Can you talk to someone who isn’t your best friend who should fucking kick your ass?” Seungkwan heard a small whimper out of Mingyu’s mouth and realized his friend was in such a confusing and vulnerable state. “Look, Hyung. I don’t know what to tell you, exactly. But, hey, I am here for you. I think what you did to Wonwoo hyung was wrong and badly timed. But I also think that you need to figure yourself out first before you hurt anyone else you love.”

Mingyu blinked. “Do you think I still love Wonwoo?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think,” Seungkwan shook his head, “what matters is if  _ you _ still love him.” It was silent for a good minute or so on the phone line. Seungkwan wasn’t sure if Mingyu stepped away from the phone or muted himself. “Hyung?” he called out.

“I’m here,” Mingyu reassured. “I just… Can we talk about this in person? I’d feel better if we did.”

Seungkwan agreed. “Of course. The usual spot?”

“Yeah, when are you free?” 

“I’m off the next couple of days actually, since the department just sent in all of their grades yesterday.”

“Perfect. Let’s do brunch.”

“Okay, sounds good.” Seungkwan grinned. “Oh, and Hyung? Don’t be  _ too _ hard on yourself.” Mingyu smiled before Seungkwan spoke again. “It’s my job to tell you that you’re a dumbass, not you.”

“Goodnight, Kwan.” Mingyu snickered.


	5. Missing You

“What?” Seungkwan gasped in disbelief. “I can’t believe they took off the brunch special off the menu!” Mingyu peaked up from his own menu and looked up at Seungkwan who ruffled his hair as he aggressively flipped the menu page again. “This is an outrage. A crime, even!”

“Then arrest them,” Mingyu snickered. Seungkwan scrunched his nose. “Just get the waffle combo with your usual side. It’s basically the same thing.”

“And pay 500 won more?” Seungkwan scoffed. “Absolutely not!” 

Mingyu laughed as he stood up. “Gosh… you’re the worst.” He pushed his chair in and took the menu from Seungkwan. “I’m just going to order for the two of us and pay for it too.”

Seungkwan crossed his arms with a pout. “Bitch,” he mumbled. “It was my turn to pay.”

“Pay next time,” Mingyu hummed as he already made his way to the counter to make his order. As the cashier rang up the order and Mingyu pulled out his credit card, he heard the front door open and a familiar voice. He turned as he handed his card over and saw Wonwoo. But Wonwoo wasn’t alone, he was with someone else. Someone Mingyu didn’t recognize.

Wonwoo was the first to do anything after they made eye contact. He gave a faint smile and waved before he and the other person walked over to find a table. Mingyu slowly watched as Wonwoo greeted Seungkwan with a pat on the back and, surprisingly, Seungkwan greeted the other one as well. The cashier had to clear her throat for Mingyu to snap out of it and take his card back. He took the pager as well before rushing to sit down in front of Ssungkwan whose eyes were glued to his phone.

He kicked Seungkwan under the table and Seungkwan whined. “What was that for?”

“Who the fuck is Wonwoo with?” Mingyu whispered. He peaked over Seungkwan’s head to see the back of Wonwoo’s head at the far corner of the restaurant. “I’ve never seen him before.”

“Cheol hyung?” Seungkwan blinked. “He was president of that academic frat I was in with Wonwoo hyung,” he explained. “Wonwoo was vice president. I was secretary. Yeah, they’re pretty close.”

“How come I’ve never met him?”

“You weren’t in the frat, stupid,” Seungkwan shrugged as he returned to his phone. “Didn’t attend any of the events because you were busy too.” He glanced up to see Mingyu playing with his fingers against his lips anxiously. “What? You think they’re on a date?”

“N-no.”

“You hesitated,” Seungkwan chuckled as he put his phone face-down on the table. “I don’t think they’re interested in each other. Besides, why does it matter to you? What Wonwoo hyung does?” Mingyu was about to speak when he jumped as the pager buzzed on the table, signalling their order was ready. “Better get that,” Seungkwan waved as Mingyu pouted and stood up. He flicked off Seungkwan, earning a laugh from his best friend as he made his way back to the counter.

It’s true, Mingyu thought. He knew he shouldn’t feel what he was feeling when he saw Wonwoo with someone else, but he couldn’t help it. After being with Wonwoo for so long, it felt  _ weird _ seeing Wonwoo with someone else that wasn’t him. He has no right to feel jealous though and he knows that.

He grabbed the tray, thanked the worker behind the counter, and brought the try back to Seungkwan. He handed the iced americano to his friend before he sat down. Seungkwan hummed in delight as he stuck the straw through the and sipped it in bliss. “Oh yeah, that hits the spot,” he smiles. He looked up and saw Mingyu’s facial expression as they divided up the food accordingly. “Okay, you’re jealous aren’t you?”

“Huh?” Mingyu blinked.

“Geez, you really are bad at hiding your emotions,” Seungkwan chuckled. “Hyung, I know you feel guilty, and that’s fine. But don’t let that ruin this brunch. We eat first, and then you can be a sappy and whiny bitch.” Mingyu grumbled, but nodded in agreement. They began eating their waffles and started catching up. 

Mingyu hasn’t been able to have this sort of intimacy with anyone ever since his job promotion. It was especially sad because he couldn’t even spend time with Seungkwan, his best friend. They talked on the phone when he came home or when he commuted to work in the morning—granted that Seungkwan is awake—but that wasn’t the same as a face-to-face conversation to Mingyu. He craved this sort of bonding time, it was a vital part to his relationships with people. So the fact that Wonwoo was having such an intimate connection with someone who wasn’t Mingyu made Mingyu feel some type of way.

Seungcheol and Wonwoo left the restaurant before Seungkwan and Mingyu. Wonwoo waved at the two of them after Seungcheol called out Seungkwan’s name as he opened the front door to leave. Seungkwan smiled and waved back before looking at Mingyu sigh in relief with his shoulders relaxing. Seungkwan laughed. “You’re terrible, you know that?” Mingyu frowned. “I’m kidding. Obviously.” Seungkwan clarified. “But you can proceed your whining now.”

“How bad was I?” Mingyu asked.

Seungkwan hummed before sipping his americano that he refilled a few minutes prior. “You kept leaning to your left to look over at the hyungs. Your eyes had fire in them whenever Wonwoo hyung laughed. Pretty bad. I’d give it a ten out of ten on the petty scale.”

Mingyu rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m jealous and petty.” He admitted. “I also know I’m not allowed to feel this way because I started all of this!”

“Don’t raise your voice at me, I'm just an observer!” Seungkwan put his hands up—thumb and pinky still wrapped around his beverage cup. “And you’re allowed to feel what you feel,” he explained. “We talked about this before: don’t dismiss your feelings.”

“I should just soak in them,” Mingyu continued. Seungkwan nodded. “So what? I’m just gonna feel jealous the whole day?”

“It’s going to last at least an hour and then your puppy-attention span is going to focus on something else,” Seungkwan shrugged. He smiled when Mingyu pouted. “Seriously though, you can’t keep beating yourself up like this.”

“I can’t help it.” Mingyu confessed. “I mean… it’s my fault that this is happening in the first place, right?”

“But you’re the one who said that you just had to be honest with yourself and him, right?” Seungkwan clarified. Mingyu sighed and nodded silently. “Then you did what you did, even if it was a stupid thing.”

“So you admit what I did was stupid?” Mingyu asked.

Seungkwan put his americano down on the table before leaning over and slapping Mingyu’s cheek lightly. It wasn’t hard to harm him, but it was meant as a wake-up call for Mingyu. “We already established you’ve done stupid things recently.” Seungkwan continued as he sat back down in his chair. “I know you accepted that job promotion to busy yourself and avoid confronting your feelings. It’s a very Mingyu thing to do.” He affirmed. “But you have to face your feelings eventually.”

“Why can’t I do that later then? Why now?”

“Because you literally almost punched Seungcheol hyung for hanging out with Wonwoo hyung and I won’t  _ stand _ for this terrible level of pettiness. You barely know the guy!” Seungkwan confessed. “And I should know. I’m just as petty as you,” Seungkwan admitted. Mingyu let out a snicker he was holding in. Seungkwan smiled in encouragement. “Can you just be easier on yourself? Please? If not for you, then for me.”

Mingyu took a deep breath and then exhaled as he ruffled his hair while leaning back in his chair. “Okay. I’ll do it for you.” He looked up at Seungkwan and pouted again. “What do I do with the texts?”

“You can always just  _ not _ text him, you know,” Seungkwan suggested. He picked his americano back up from the table and sipped it peacefully. “Why don’t you do just that, actually: just  _ don’t  _ text him.”

“Impossible,” Mingyu denied. “I have texted him everyday for the past five years.”

“And now you will put that to a halt,” Seungkwan continued. They sat up from their chairs and cleaned up their table before disposing of their trash and thanking the staff behind the counter. Mingyu held the door open for Seungkwan as they walked outside and were greeted by the brisk breeze that blew towards them. Mingyu adjusted the coat over his upper body more as Seungkwan still sipped his americano despite the weather. “Didn’t you tell me you started listening to music again?” he asked as they started walking to the subway station.

“Well… yeah…”

“Then just do that. Just listen to music and  _ don’t _ text Wonwoo. That should be a simple thing to do, even for you,” Seungkwan jokes. Mingyu nudged his friend and they both laughed.

“Okay,” Mingyu exhaled and nodded. “I’ll do it. I won’t like it,” he admitted, “but I’ll do it if you think it will help me.” Seungkwan smiled as they stood waiting for the train together. “Can I text him like he texts me though? Once a day?”

“You’re just being petty now,” Seungkwan rolled his eyes. Mingyu pouted. They walked into the train together after a few came out. Standing next to each other while holding the upper hooks, Seungkwan saw the nervousness seeping through Mingyu’s fidgeting stature. “Hey,” he softened. Mingyu looked over at him. “I’m here for you. Don’t forget that.” He patted Mingyu’s back in comfort and noticed how Mingyu’s muscles relaxed.

“Thanks, Kwan,” Mingyu mumbled softly. 


	6. Blue Side

“You’ve been hanging out with more friends recently?” Yoongi smiled as Wonwoo nodded in confirmation. “That’s awesome. How did it feel?”

Wonwoo seemed less tense during this session. He leaned back against the chair in comfort and exhaled in relief. “Wow,” he snickered, “it felt really good. I came into contact with an old friend from university and it was really nice to catch up. Made me miss him.” He adjusted himself in his seat so that his left leg crossed his right. “Made me realize I _do_ have more people in my circle than just Mingyu.”

“That’s so good,” Yoongi affirmed as he wrote something down on his clipboard. “Speaking of which—have you talked to Mingyu recently?” He snickered when Wonwoo groaned and slumped in his chair. “You know I was going to bring this up eventually.”

“I did,” nodded Wonwoo. “Well,” he sighed, “he actually hasn’t texted me all that much this week.”

Yoongi blinked in surprise. “Really? Tell me about that.”

Wonwoo shrugged. Yoongi seemed to notice Wonwoo’s muscles tense up again as he sat up straight. “He just… well, it’s just as I said: he hasn’t texted me this week, period. The last time we texted was, like, four days ago? Even then, it wasn’t much. Just me saying I hope he had a good day and him saying it back to me. And I don’t know what to make of it.”

“Is it bothering you?”

“Um… actually, yeah,” Wonwoo confessed. He rubbed the back of his leg. “I tried to set my boundaries so that I don’t hurt myself… but I can’t help but feel… hurt too. What if he’s doing this because he truly moved on from us?”

“You don’t want him to move on because you didn’t move on?” Yoongi asked.

It was a long moment of comfortable silence before Wonwoo slowly nodded. “Yeah,” Wonwoo broke the silence. He sat there quietly before repeating himself. “Yeah. I don’t think I moved on from him.” He held his hands in his lap and sighed. “I have a blind date tomorrow.”

“Really?” Yoongi blinked. “That’s… sudden.”

“It is,” Wonwoo admits. “My Hyung’s wife’s friend is visiting town and he insisted on meeting up with her. Said we would at least get along as friends if I don’t feel anything. I figured it would be good to have at least another friend in my support group… right?”

“Do you think you are ready? If you’re ready, I would see nothing wrong with it.”

Wonwoo tilted his head a bit. “What do you mean… ‘ready?’”

“You know what I mean by ‘ready,’ Wonwoo,” Yoongi hummed knowingly. He scooted off of his chair a little bit to move closer to Wonwoo, closing the distance.

“I mean… I haven’t talked to Mingyu recently. I haven’t had a proper conversation with him since that happy hour almost a month ago.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I think… I think I need this.”

“You _need_ the company?” Yoongi asked for clarification. Wonwoo looked up. “You need another chance at romance? Or do you need to ignore Mingyu with another person?”

Wonwoo grunted, knowing that Yoongi knew exactly his situation. “Sometimes I wish you weren’t my therapist and just my hyung.” Yoongi snickered and shrugged at Wonwoo’s comment. “I figured if I could get into this date and maybe even start dating someone else that I will fill that void...”

“Part of you sounds unsure with your own reasoning.”

Running his hands through his hair, Wonwoo nodded. “Yeah. I know I’m just avoiding the real problem.”

“Talk to him,” challenged Yoongi. Wonwoo blinked dumbfoundedly. “I mean have a genuine conversation with him. And ask him that burning question you have been avoiding asking him.”

It was silent between the two of them. Yoongi knew he shouldn’t speak though. He wanted Wonwoo to absorb what he just said; he wanted Wonwoo to know that this silence was okay and safe. “I don’t know if I can,” Wonwoo whispered.

Yoongi softened. “Are you scared for the worse?” Wonwoo bashfully nodded. Yoongi sighed. “I don’t want you to get hurt,” he admitted. “But I don’t want you to live sadly in this ambiguity. Look, you have your friends, you have your colleagues, you have me, you have your hobbies—” Wonwoo looked up and saw the hopefulness in his therapist’s eyes. “And we’re all here for you. Even if Mingyu isn’t. I want you to know that your life—with or without Mingyu—is a good enough life.”

Wonwoo rubbed his eyes. Yoongi noticed the tear that fell on Wonwoo’s denim jeans but decided not to comment on it. “Okay… Hyung, I’m scared.”

“I am also scared.” Yoongi admitted. Wonwoo looked up in disbelief. Yoongi snickered. “I may be your therapist, but I’m also human. I feel for you, man. But I know that this is what you need. I know _you know_ this is what you need. You’ll make it through and your support will be here for you..”

—

Mingyu tapped his fingers anxiously on his beer glass. His friends were two minutes late, but he couldn’t get mad at them; this happy hour was announced last minute—quite literally only an hour ago—and their building is still about an hour away from Mingyu’s workplace. He practically felt his heart speeding up, but he tried not to think much about it and just stared at the two chairs accompanying him with hope. Or desperation. Mingyu wasn’t sure which one. 

He opted out of looking at his phone too. Mingyu knew it would be the best way to ask Seungkwan and Seokmin where they were, but he also knew that his unread text notification from Wonwoo was waiting for him to be answered. 

**Wonwoo [4:30pm]:** Meet up with me tomorrow. The usual spot.

Mingyu knew this was a confrontation meeting. He kept blaming himself though. Maybe it was because he hasn’t texted Wonwoo in a while, or maybe it was because their conversations when they _did_ talk, were terribly flat. Either way, Mingyu felt that it was his lack of initiation to cause Wonwoo to text him this.

He squealed when Seokmin banged his fist on the table to pull Mingyu out of his thoughts. Seokmin and Seungkwan laughed at the genuine surprise Mingyu displayed. “Sorry,” Seokmin apologized with a chuckle, “you seemed too into your head. Had to bring you back to reality.” Mingyu pouted, but he was thankful. Seokmin and Seungkwan sat down at the table after they ordered two pints of beer themselves. 

“Not gonna lie,” Seungkwan hummed as he pulled his phone from out of his pocket and laid it face down on the table, “Didn’t expect to drink with you today, Hyung.”

“Especially because it’s Thursday,” Seokmin added. “Must be an emergency, huh?” The two saw that Mingyu fidgeted with his fingers on the table nervously and confirmed that it really was an emergency. Seungkwan offered to pick up the drinks when the bartender called them over as Seokmin stayed with Mingyu. He reached over and patted Mingyu’s arm. “What’s up, Gyu? You know we’re here for you.”

Without another word, Mingyu slid his phone over to Seokmin. Confused, Seokmin grabbed it with his free hand and tapped on the screen to reveal the unread message from Seokmin. After a few seconds of silence, Seungkwan was back at the table with their drinks and looked over Seokmin’s shoulder to see the message as well. (Mingyu didn’t mind.) 

“Oh,” they exhaled in unison. Mingyu nodded at his friend’s reactions. Seungkwan sat back down and pouted at how Mingyu looked genuinely lost. “Have you not talked to him recently?”

“We barely talked the past week,” Mingyu confessed.

Seokmin put his beer down after taking a sip and frowned. “I thought that was the plan. Wasn’t it?” Mingyu nodded before quickly pulling his glass to his lips and chugging it at an alarming rate. He set it down back at the table with a bang that echoed throughout the bar. A few other customers looked over, making Seungkwan and Seokmin cough sheepishly, but Mingyu didn’t seem to care. “Gyu, what drink are you on?”

“Huh?” Mingyu blinked. His eyes went from looking at the mahogany table to looking at his friends and they could already see how puffy and tired his eyes looked. 

Seokmin reiterated. “How many drinks have you had? What number are you on?”

“I think five,” admitted Mingyu. He whined when Seungkwan whistled and pulled the pint glass away from Mingyu’s grasp. The looks on his friend’s faces made Mingyu grunt as he buried his head in his arms. He grumbled, “whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

Seungkwan and Seokmin sat there quietly as they looked at Mingyu. Seungkwan kept a firm grip on Mingyu’s glass just in case he reached over to grab it from him. He didn’t though. They were somewhat relieved that Mingyu just sat there sadly. It was relatively quiet between the three of them. Seokmin and Seungkwan were silently talking by just reading each other’s mouth movements.

“Do we just let him mope?” mouthed Seokmin.

Seungkwan shrugged. “I think so,” he replied quietly. They gazed over at Mingyu who grunted again before looking at each other and pouting. “Let’s give him three minutes?”

“Good idea,” Seokmin nodded. They quietly kept taking sips of their own glasses and checked their phones as Mingyu was soaking up in his feelings. 

It wasn’t awkward. It was quite comforting to Mingyu, actually. He hasn’t been able to be around people in silence like this and Seokmin and Seungkwan believed this is what he really needed. The silence ceased when they heard sniffles coming from behind Mingyu’s cuffed sleeves. Seokmin looked over first and saw how Mingyu was trying to restrain himself even though his shoulders began lightly bouncing.

Seungkwan quickly stood up and pulled his chair right next to Mingyu and sat down with an arm on his back. Seokmin did the same and Mingyu finally started sobbing into his arms. They weren’t sure if it was because he was drunk or because of Wonwoo, but they figured it was for both reasons that brought Mingyu to his breaking point.

“Just let it out, Gyu,” Seokmin comforted him as he gently ran his hand through Mingyu’s brown locks while Seungkwan continued to rub Mingyu’s back. 

And he did; Mingyu sobbed into his arms with his friends surrounding him. The bar was at half-capacity but the bystanders didn’t really seem to notice nor mind Mingyu having a breakdown. (Which was good, Mingyu hated bringing attention to himself in such a vulnerable state.)

He hasn’t been able to do this ever since his rift with Wonwoo started, but Mingyu felt the sleeves of his cardigan and even his dress shirt underneath soak the water from the tears he was shedding. Seokmin knew he needed this though. So did Seungkwan. They didn’t speak and just let him cry out all the pain that he felt inside that he has been holding in for so long. 

Mingyu was always the type to talk about his emotions, which made him different from Wonwoo who usually kept his emotions internal. However, unlike Mingyu, Wonwoo was good at processing his emotions. Mingyu found that admirable about Wonwoo because even though Mingyu talked, it was very shallow talking. “I wish it wasn’t like this.” Mingyu sobbed into his sleeve as he moved his left arm from the bottom onto the top of his right arm. He lifted his head with the adjustment and Seokmin and Seungkwan swore their hearts broke at the sight of Mingyu’s eyes red with water flowing down from them. Mingyu laid his head back down. “I wish I didn’t have these doubts or lack of feelings.”

Seokmin looked over at Seungkwan with a look that questioned whether they should start talking to Mingyu or not. Seungkwan pursed his lips and shrugged his shoulders, admitting he didn’t know. He nodded his head slightly though, indicating to Seokmin that it’s his call if he wants to use this opportunity to talk to Mingyu. 

Seokmin obliged. “Do you still love him, Gyu?” he asked. There wasn’t hesitation in his voice when he asked the question, but Seungkwan felt that it was the most appropriate question to ask even if that was the only question they could give to Mingyu tonight. 

However, Mingyu didn’t reply and sobbed even harder. Seungkwan sighed as he felt his heart drop from Mingyu’s lack of answer. Seokmin felt the same way as well and just patted Mingyu’s head lovingly. Even though Mingyu didn’t utter a single word inr response, they knew Mingyu’s answer.

—

Today, Wonwoo’s day has been relatively well. 

He admits that he does feel nervous for not knowing what will happen, but Wonwoo feels grateful for his therapist, for his friends, and for his colleagues. His support system has reached out more than usual leading up to today, and Wonwoo was relatively surprised with how supportive they were for him. 

“Won,” Jeonghan called out from his office. He knew Wonwoo could hear him since his office was right across the hallway. It only took a few seconds for Wonwoo to peak his head in through Jeonghan’s doorway. “Hey.”

“Hey, Hyung,” Wonwoo blinked. Jeonghan snickered and nodded at him, a signal for him to grab the chair next to him and close the door behind him. Wonwoo did so. Sitting in the chair, Wonwoo rubbed his thighs and looked up surprised when Jeonghan laughed at him. “What’s so funny?”

“Why are you acting like I’m still your superior?” Jeonghan grinned as he twirled the pen in his right hand.

“You’re still older than me, Hyung,” Wonwoo pointed out.

Jeonghan sat up in his chair. “True, but we’re both professors now. You’re not under me anymore.”

“So,” Wonwoo coughed into his hand, “what you’re saying is that I don’t have to call you Hyung anymore?”

“Okay, now _you_ have jokes, huh?” Jeonghan commented. Wonwoo let out a laugh and Jeonghan grinned. “Are you feeling okay about tomorrow?”

“I think so.” Wonwoo sighed. “I mean… worse case scenario: we end up hating each other and I never see him again.”

“But that’s only the worst case, isn’t it? Realistically, what do you think will happen?”

“Gosh, have you been talking to Yoongi hyung too or what?” Wonwoo chuckled with slight nervousness. “I think even if we don’t end up back together, he… probably still wants me in his life.”

“Are you okay with that though? Despite not being together anymore.”

Wonwoo sat there silently and just looked at Jeonghan. Jeonghan was trying to read Wonwoo’s expression for any signs of uncertainty, any signs of heartbrokenness or hesitancy. Jeonghan found none. “Actually, I am okay.”

Jeonghan blinked in disbelief. He saw Wonwoo’s confidence and sensed no lying. “Really?”

“I’m comfortable with friends that care about me, my hyungs that look out for me, my future niece that I get to see in about a month,” Wonwoo stated. He smiled when he saw Jeonghan blush at the mention of his future offspring. Wonwoo smiled. “For a lack of better words… I’m happy.”

“Won,” Jeonghan inhaled. Wonwoo looked up and saw Jeonghan radiating such a proud smile. “You make me feel so honored to be your Hyung.” Wonwoo whined and slapped Jeonghan’s knee at such a cheesy response, but Jeonghan laughed heartily and reached over to squeeze Wonwoo’s arm in reassurance. “I’m serious! Look at you. You’ve gone through so much these two semesters. I don’t know how you managed to get promoted; classes, papers, meetings; and making time for yourself all while having such a shit person as an ex-partner. Wonwoo couldn’t hide the smile of self-accomplishment. Jeonghan squeezed his shoulder again. “Truly, you’re doing so much work.”

“Thanks, Hyung,” Wonwoo exhaled. “It means a lot coming from you, too.”

“So what are we planning tomorrow evening, huh?” Jeonghan asked with a smile. (Yoongi reached out to him—with Wonwoo’s permission, of course— to suggest a friendly get together so that Wonwoo can process his feelings with his support circle. Jeonghan already told Jisoo, Jihoon, and everyone else in the department that they should clear their schedules for this evening; Jeonghan just needs a time and location.)

“Hm… maybe bowling?” Wonwoo suggested. He shrugged. “It’s been a while since we’ve gone bowling together.”

“That’s because we suck,” Jeonghan reminded him. They both laughed at the truthful statement. “We can do that though,” he nodded, “I just have to see if the wife can come too.”

“Is that okay?”

“Won, she’s pregnant, not antisocial. She would kill to go to a bowling alley despite carrying around a bowling ball in her stomach already,” Jeonghan joked as he quickly pulled out his cellphone to text his wife about the plan. “I’ll tell the others too. What time do you think? Around five? Or do they usually get busy around that time?”

“Five works,” Wonwoo nods. He smiles as Jeonghan hums with a nod and turns back to his computer to shoot the email confirmation to the other colleagues. “Hyung?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

—

As Wonwoo turned the corner, he sighed reassuringly to himself. He had one earphone in his left ear as he entered the cafe and waved at the employee who seemed genuinely happy to see him after not stopping by for so long. Even though they barely talked about anything outside of the food or beverages, he feels like even _she_ knows about the situation at hand with Mingyu. He ordered his usual and sat down at his usual table as well. 

The table was a bit wobbly, surprisingly, but it didn’t really bother Wonwoo. He pulled his phone out as he waited for his beverage and saw that the radio played the song that he once heard all those months ago when this whole situation started. He laughed. Wonwoo found it hilarious that the radio continued to play such a tiring song, but Wonwoo had it in him to change the radio station to the recent talk show he was into these days. He turned the volume up, but made sure not to make it drown out the sounds of the cafe atmosphere: fingers typing on computers, laughs and gasps from other conversations, and the smell and warmth that the cafe had to offer. He wasn’t sure why it felt it in his gut, but Wonwoo believed that today would be a good day.

Mingyu came in with the chime of the door. Wonwoo looked up and waved him over. He already had his tea and took a sip of it as Mingyu walked over. 

“Hey-”

Wonwoo waved his hand and pointed to the counter. “Grab the tray,” Wonwoo interjected. “I already bought the food.” Surprised, Mingyu just shut his mouth and nodded as he grabbed the pager on the table and took it over to the counter. Wonwoo hummed as he leaned back in his chair and turned off the streaming app on his phone and pulled the earphone from his ear.

Mingyu walked back with the tray of food and set it down, passing over Wonwoo’s respective plate of food towards him before putting his plate on his own side. Mingyu took a deep sigh before looking up at Wonwoo. “I’ll pay you back-”

“No need,” Wonwoo shook his head as he took his sandwich in hand, “I got a promotion recently. My treat.”

“Congratulations,” Mingu blinked. "That's great," he replied with a small smile. He grabbed the fork and knife from his plate and started cutting the food in front of him. "I’m really proud of you, Woo." Wonwoo hummed with a nod as a way of saying 'thanks.' Mingyu wasn’t sure why, but he chewed the food in his mouth and just looked at Wonwoo for a good moment. “You seem... different.”

Wonwoo looked up as he wiped his mouth. He tilted his head before tilting it back and shrugging. “I guess you can say I feel different too.”

Mingyu frowned. “I’m really sorry for all of this,” he confessed. “I only see you as a friend—but I still want you in my life.” Wonwoo just blinked and Mingyu broke eye contact with him to look at his plate as he shamefully drooped his head. “I know it’s selfish… I know I’m the biggest asshole you’ve ever met in your life, but I just… I don’t want my life without you. I don’t want to lose you forever.”

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo spoke up. Mingyu’s eyes looked over in caution, ready to be slapped in the face physically or verbally, but Wonwoo decided to do neither. This was the first time that Wonwoo has _ever_ called Mingyu without a nickname and he planned for the worse. But Wonwoo proved otherwise. “Can you just shut up?” Wonwoo laughed. Mingyu sheepishly curled into himself as he readjusted to pull himself up to look at Wonwoo properly. “Look… you made me go through hell and back. You made me think I would never get married and never have a family—”

“And I’m really sorry for that—”

“—I’m still speaking—” Wonwoo interjected firmly. Mingyu quickly shut his mouth once again. “You made me feel like this was the end of my love life.” Mingyu felt shame on his shoulders but Wonwoo sighed and flicked Mingyu’s hand. “Look at me, please.” Mingyu did and prepared for the worse but Wonwoo sighed once more. “I still want you in my life too.”

Mingyu’s eyes widened in disbelief. “But… why?” He pulled back and leaned his back against the chair, utensils dropped on the plate as Mingyu gripped his thighs under the table with anxious uncertainty. “I treated you like trash. I was such a bad boyfriend, a bad friend, and a bad human… I don’t know why you’re still giving me all these chances when you should really cut me out of your life…” Mingyu sniffled and rubbed his nose. “It seems unfair to you.”

Wonwoo pulled the napkin from the side of his table and passed it over to Mingyu to wipe his face. Mingyu mumbled a ‘thanks’ and did so. Wonwoo watched Mingyu. He thought he would feel heartbroken as he anticipated this meeting all those months ago. He thought he would be begging for Mingyu to take him back and to love him and work on this relationship with him together. But today, Wonwoo felt different. Wonwoo felt comfortable. Not with Mingyu, but with himself. He sighed. “Do you still want me in your life?” Wonwoo asked.

“Of course,” Mingyu cracked with a hoarse voice. His shoulders were shaking and Wonwoo knew he was probably going to cry soon. He passed the rest of the napkins to Mingyu. 

“There are tissues in the bathroom,” he offered. Mingyu nodded as he grabbed another tissue to wipe his eyes. “Then stop beating yourself up.”

“I can’t…”

“I think you need help,” Wonwoo suggested. “I’ve kept telling you this even before all of this started. You _really_ need to talk to someone. A professional.” Mingyu frowned and nodded. He wasn’t sure if Mingyu would actually go get help after this, but Wonwoo was optimistic now, he was sure Mingyu would eventually do so even if it wasn’t today. “You can still be in my life.”

“Why though?”

“You really need to stop projecting your insecurities onto others, you know?” Wonwoo confronted. Mingyu continued to quietly pat the napkin under his eyes before nodding in agreement. “I’m comfortable with myself,” Wonwoo stated confidently. “I’m comfortable enough with myself and my life right now that your projections onto me don’t affect me.” Mingyu looked up with such dumbfounded eyes, as if the Wonwoo in front of him is a different person. Wonwoo took a sip of his tea and waved his hand before leaning back in his chair with his arms folded over his chest. “We’re going to have boundaries—”

“—of course—”

“—obviously,” Wonwoo continued. “But I think it would benefit you, and me for that matter, if you seek some professional help. We can definitely still be friends but we should distance ourselves for now until you’re ready for that step.”

Mingyu managed to calm down enough to talk properly without his voice wavering. He put the soaked napkins down into his lap in a pile. He sighed and nodded again in agreement before he wiped his eyes with the palm of his hands. “I don’t know how you do it, Woo.” Mingyu looked up and let out a half-hearted chuckle as Wonwoo looked at him surprised. “But… I’m happy for you.”

Wonwoo relaxed his shoulders before rolling them back. He quietly sat there with himself and noticed that, for the first time, he felt… okay. He felt good with himself. He felt okay with his life. “I’m happy for me too,” Wonwoo smiled.

Mingyu went to the bathroom to ‘fix himself,’ much to Wonwoo’s humor to call it such a thing while he was going to wet his face and look like he didn’t just cry in a cafe before he went back to his workplace. Wonwoo couldn’t help but smile. He pulled his phone and sent a quick email to Yoongi to ask to schedule their appointment at a sooner date than originally planned, in hopes that he can discuss all of this with him. Wonwoo then went to text Jeonghan about how he feels and how he couldn’t wait for bowling later tonight with him and his friends. He laughed when he saw a notification from Yoongi’s response stating that they should keep the appointment as is because of his schedule and because he wants Wonwoo to process his feelings in the meantime.

“Damn feelings,” Wonwoo chuckled. He put his phone down and sighed. After standing up from his seat, he cleaned up his plate and placed it on the tray before going to the trash bin to throw the garbage away. Walking to the counter, he asked the cashier if she could hand him a to-go box for Mingyu’s leftovers. She smiled and agreed as she reached under the counter to hand it over. “Thanks,” he smiled.

“No,” she shook her head. He looked up at her and saw the smile on his face. “Thank you. That was so brave of you.”

Wonwoo coughed and rubbed the back of his neck bashfully, not realizing that she was a constant observer of his relationship with Wonwoo. “Ah… you know, I just got some help and talked to friends… really.”

“Oh, stop being humble,” she laughed. She grabbed the tongs behind the dessert glass display and slid open the door before grabbing a muffin and placing it into a to-go bag. “Take this muffin—on the house—as a token of my appreciation. You’re a cool guy, Jeon.” Wonwoo couldn’t help but laugh, knowing that she only sees his last name whenever she runs a tab for any of his orders. 

“Thank you though. Really appreciate it.” Wonwoo walked back to his table and placed the to-go box on Mingyu’s side of the table, sliding back down into his own chair with a sigh of content as he patted the muffin in his hands. He was glad he had this talk with Mingyu. He’s glad even the cashier was here for him. He didn’t feel hurt. He felt no aching pain in his heart. Despite what he’s gone through, he still thought of the possibility of Mingyu liking him back, but he didn’t dwell on that. He didn’t think it was selfish for thinking that though. Maybe he was just so comfortable with himself that he was open to possibilities, or maybe Wonwoo healed over time and with the right resources. Maybe both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this fic moves from on-going to complete, I would just like to be complete transparent in saying that this, along with a lot of my other angsty fics, marks the end of my five-year relationship with my partner. This fic, specifically, represents the past year of our relationship that ultimately came to an end. I hope anyone in a similar place as me finds comfort with this fic that you can heal and you can move forward, whatever that may look like.


End file.
